Deviation Actions
You said sorry many times over and over again , you had really messed me up.
every day I talk to anyone , I have always make sure what I say isn't rude or anything. To scared to say thing second guessing myself all time , coming to believe that what I did was the worst thing had never came to be on DA.
My whole reasoning was to help the few friends I had, I didn't even have that many in my whole life so of course I'm going to make sure they are making it though okay.
I may of been rude, but you have no idea who I am, why I am this way.
Talk to jas not knowing what was really happing with him , nor I cared about his " popularity "
All I never wanted was to have friend so I used my art and characters in doing so.
I had helped him forget the pain of everyday life, giving a reason to get up.
I had became caring of him as much as I can,
I had only wanted to help
The funny thing is , when people's love ones are in the hospital or dealing with the pain. You take on some of that to help them deal with , going though it with them because you love them.
On the day jas was gone sickness what could of killed him, that had made feel so worried ( or was out doing that art thing , my memory is bit buzzy, I just remember being sad )
And I had deal with it being so far way , thinking I would of lost him what I would do, I haven't know him that long that made me scared and so sad that I could of lost my friends so soon.
Nadz was the only one I could really talk to about this since she was the only one who could of texted him at time , let me know what's going on with him.
Let alone what I had to deal with my everyday life.
I was " rude weirdo " because I was trying to deal my own emotions.
Do you wanna know why I didn't even say more sorrys ?
I knew I had said something rude and did say " okay sorry "
And you took accept it so I thought we where okay , I didn't think anything of it
Then you left and that was that.
I had no idea that you where going to witch hunt me down for the first few days.
Do you even know what any of what jas was actually going though?
So many bad things after next. He needed something good to happen. When I came to hear that HE like me.
Had made me realize my emotions where.
My current boyfriend at time was someone named Lucas. I had been with him for few years, that our relationship was mostly just close friends just became couple at young age , just silly kids
I never really thought of it or knew what other relationship will be like since I had been with him for so long
That it was unhealthy just keep to one person , jas had made me reason that.
Things I should of question but didn't.
So " Lucas " being just friend almost
I had just asked him and told him and he understood
Like that me and jas became thing,
He needed someone to lean on , specially more then never of needing to deal with her passing.
All I knew is that I had to help. Didnt think about age between us , I was thinking about him as person who needed help.
Back to what you did.
I had never Never experience this, the drama because I had never talked to anyone.
So many sorrys I said. I even cry on audio asking for it stop.
Do you even know what that had did to me ?
For long while I had to get jas to read over anything I was going to send to anyone, to make sure I never did again. You didn't hurt me physically, you had hurt in the worst ways possible, mentally. Oh boy I wish it was physically at least then I could just take medicine to make the pain stop.
Now I don't talk openly like I use to be, you had taken away my voice, because I would remember everything you said to me on that day. I don't know why or what I had done.
I had pushed jas away when he needed me because of that he ended back in the hospital.
Not only because of me but because of you too.
So much more things had happen, off online to jas AND nadz , what I'm not going to name what had been going on. Because " privacy "
Taken your hate all out onto me
Because
You don't even know me , but you where willing to destroy everything I was.
And those people who said to call ...I'm pretty sure they wouldn't of said what they said if you didn't paint me in ugly picture.
You talk about tired?
Look at me.
---
Now let's end this nightmare
I don't hold anything against you, we had never knew each other then a good pun or two. I know that your going to need to deal with this, of what you did , come to live with it.
So you don't need to be reminded.
Nor me and jas.
